Only By A Few Seconds
by fortunesque
Summary: This is a story about a flamingly heterosexual bromance between Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Alenko. One thing's for sure: It's going to be frat-tastic.
1. Comparison

A/n: And now for something completely different… kinda… it's still Kaidan-centric. I find him to be most fascinating, perhaps because I am an emotionally detached (and occasionally sarcastic) migraine sufferer as well. This oneshot series is going to be comedy based, much like all of my Mass Effect stuff seems to be going. I plan to explore the often overlooked platonic, heterosexual relationship between Mshep and Kaidan. The game doesn't explore the potential of this relationship to my full satisfaction, probably because the romance plot trumps all the other relationships. ME2 is going to have friendships though! I'm excited! In the meantime, enjoy the insanity, plz :P

* * *

**Bromance:**

_-noun_  
1. A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.

_-verb -manc-ing_  
1. The act of wooing a fellow male friend for the purpose of becoming closer.  
2. Going to unusual lengths in an attempt to become closer with another male friend.

"There isn't a rule against being friends with your commanding officer," the Spectre said, nonchalantly inspecting the stubs of fingernails on his hands. He looked up at Alenko and tried to discern what the man was thinking. In his years of serving in the Alliance, John Shepard had learned to expertly read people and aliens alike. There was, however, something different about the man in front of him. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was an undefined variable that needed to be filed away in the Commander's organized brain. John Shepard never left loose ends.

Little did the Commander know that the studier was being studied.

As soon as Shepard played the 'buddy card', Kaidan knew what was going on. Shepard was fishing for information of some sort. Superior officers usually did this when they wanted to put a subordinate at ease to speak freely to get direct answers or to test their loyalty.

"Anyway, I just wanted to know where the crew's at," Shepard stopped examining his nails to look at the Lieutenant, "thoughts?"

Kaidan peered into the eyes of the man in front of him as he tried to figure out the subtext behind his question. If he wanted to know how the crew felt, then why was he asking him? A lower-ranked crew member would be a much better bet. Was he that insecure about his new position?

No way. There had to be another reason.

"The crew is behind you one-hundred percent," the Lieutenant hesitated for a second, "Is something bothering you?"

"Nah," the Commander replied, "just askin'." He shrugged.

Their eyes met again, and in that instant, both knew what was taking place. It was the ancient ritual of one man sizing up the other man to quantify the other man's manliness and compare it to their own measure of manliness. Ultimately, this skirmish would categorize them according to the other's standard. For Shepard, it would determine if Kaidan was 'cool' or a 'boot-licking, whiny puss'. For Kaidan, it would determine if Shepard was mentally filed as a 'douchey superior officer with a tiny dick' or 'superior officer in name and decision only'.

The game was set, though neither knew the exact rules.

Kaidan closed his eyes and exhaled slowly; his head was killing him. Didn't Shepard have something better to be doing than having an off the record conversation with him? Kaidan's migraine persona was about to rear its sarcastic, hateful head. He looked down at the slightly shorter man then back to the mildly irritating orange glow of the console and continued his work.

"So…" Shepard trailed off for a second, unsure of whether to continue or not. After a moment's hesitation, he continued.

"Williams has a fine ass," he commented and looked pointedly at Kaidan. Would he take the bait?

"Eh," Kaidan shrugged and made no further report. His head hurt too much to formulate an appropriate response and quite frankly, he wasn't in the mood for small talk.

Shepard blinked a few times, backed up, and held his hands up in defense. He silently mouthed 'oh' as his face turned red; the Commander glanced around and found out that they were out of hearing range of the crewmembers nearby.

"Hey man," Shepard clapped the Lieutenant on the back at arm's length, "if that's your thing, then… ah… that's your business." So this was why he was silent when they went to Chora's Den. Now Shepard felt terrible. He didn't want to out the man and make things awkward. This turn of events would require extra mental processing time.

Kaidan paused, realizing what Shepard had assumed. His migraine addled mind wasn't functioning properly, and for a moment, he forgot his protocol.

"Thank you for being considerate," Kaidan replied and pulled Shepard into a tight hug, "it's good to have a commanding officer that accepts people for whatever orientation they choose. But you should know that I am..."

The Lieutenant lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone.

"Flamingly… heterosexual," he finished and let Shepard go.

The two men stared at each other for a moment with narrowed eyes then broke into laughter.

"Alenko," Shepard's commanding voice killed the mood, "do you always do this kind of thing to your commanding officers?" He had to know what he was in for.

"Only during off the record conversations, sir," the Lieutenant replied, reverting to semi-business mode to suit Shepard's change of mood. He still wasn't quite sure what he was dealing with, but the Commander seemed amiable enough. Based on his earlier comment about Chief Williams' ass, Kaidan figured that Shepard was fine with breach of protocol.

"Oh, I'll just bet," Shepard replied, chuckling once again "Shall we forget this conversation?"

"With all due respect sir," Kaidan's hand migrated to the back of his neck in embarrassment, "I'd prefer that we remember this conversation, namely the part about me not being gay."

"A fair point, Lieutenant," he leaned on the nearby wall and glanced around before continuing, "but Williams does have a fine ass."

Kaidan looked up at the ceiling and pondered for a second; a lazy grin spread itself across his face.

"Yes, sir," the Lieutenant replied, glancing over at his superior officer.

They laughed again, drawing the attention of the nearby crewmembers.

"Alenko," Shepard clapped the Lieutenant on the back, "you're alright."

"You too, sir," he replied, genuinely pleased that the Commander's fame and status hadn't turned him into a pompous asshole without a sense of humor.

"We'll talk another time Lieutenant," Shepard said with a nod.

"Commander," Kaidan nodded back and turned to his console to continue his work.

For a moment, he reflected on his conversation with the Commander, immensely pleased that his sick sense of humor wasn't lost on Shepard. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it, even if the joke was on him.

Yes, Commander Shepard was alright.


	2. Friends

A/n: Action! Drama! Suspense! I take the canon and bend it to my insidious will! At the time the majority of this chapter was written, I was written violently ill. Like, I didn't remember 2 whole days of my weekend. I think it may have been the swine flu. But, I got better! :D

PS: I love you.

* * *

"Oh, before I go, I saw Commander Shepard and Kaidan in a news vid about the Normandy. You're right; they're super cute. Try not to drool too much. Later sis!"

Shepard quirked an eyebrow at Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, waiting for her to explain what he had just heard.

"Let's pretend we didn't just hear that," she laughed nervously and crossed her arms, unwilling to look the Commander in the eye.

"Oh-ho, I'm afraid I can't," he replied and leaned against Ash's workbench.

"Shoot me now," she mumbled, "That was my sister, Sarah. She's the youngest." Ash was ready to crawl into a hole and die. She definitely did not want her superior officers thinking she wanted to bunk up with them. They were both damn fine looking men, but it would take a lot more than good looks for her to complicate the chain of command.

"So, you like older men? Or is it the man in charge thing you like? Or is it because we're unique? You know, because I'm a Spectre and he's biotic," Shepard leaned in, a wolfish grin on his face. He knew Ash's type; she'd flirt and drive a man crazy, but she was difficult to win over. He wasn't about to put his time and energy into pursuing a woman when he was responsible for too many lives. But, this certainly didn't mean he couldn't screw with her head. William's face was currently a lovely shade of crimson; her cute expression made pestering her all the more worthwhile.

"There isn't anything Freudian about it, Sir," Ash quipped, her ire rising. "You're both attractive men, that's all." How dare he assume those things about her! She made her way up the chain because she worked her ass off and she'd be damned if she let someone get away with accusing her of wanting to sleep her way to the top.

"So you like pale blondes with blue eyes and tan brunettes with brown eyes?" Shepard smiled. He had her cornered. She looked really cute, flustered the way she was.

"Just brunettes at the moment," she ground out and nearly slammed the gun she was working on back onto the table.

"Hm, well I think Alenko needs to get laid. He's probably too quiet to just ask for some. So, I guess if you want him, I'll put in a good word," Shepard's eyes traveled around the engineering level, making sure he wasn't being overheard. So she preferred Kaidan over himself. He guessed that made sense; Kaidan was an alright looking guy. Shepard wasn't quite sure where he fell on the attractiveness scale. After all, women had really convoluted ways of measuring attractiveness. He never understood the whole 'sensitivity' thing.

Shepard blinked as a wrench was thrown onto the table. Ash was being rather forceful with her equipment. Was she mad at him? What did he do? Couldn't she take a joke?

"How old is your sister?" he asked, hoping to change the subject to smooth things over.

"She's sixteen and very underage," Ash clenched her jaw. She wrung the hapless cleaning cloth in her hands as if she was trying to choke the life out of it.

"Oh, okay then," Shepard backed slowly away from the seething woman, "uh, thanks for the talk, Chief." She didn't reply as he slinked back to the elevator. The Commander begged the door to close faster; he felt Ash's eyes bearing down upon him with an intensity he hadn't felt in a very long time. Finally, the door sealed him in and slowly trekked to the engineering level of the ship.

Shepard sighed. He was joking around with Ash but she didn't seem to get it. This was why he found it hard to keep a relationship; he liked to tease people and always seemed to either piss women off or make them cry. Shepard wasn't sure which was worse. Both had him well acquainted with the couch.

The elevator door seemed to open quicker when it arrived at its destination. A light whoosh of air announced its opening, sending the distinct smell of the new ship to the Commander's nose. He inhaled deeply; the Normandy was absolutely wonderful.

Shepard rounded the corner to the common room, his mood slightly lightened. He glanced around at the sparse crew that busied themselves with one thing or another. Frigates like these were always an interesting environment. Because of the smaller number of personnel, everyone knew each other's business. He cringed, realizing that in a short amount of time, a large portion of the crew would think he was a womanizing jackass. Shepard looked at the crew again, his mood souring quickly.

Alenko.

The Commander looked at the Lieutenant in thought. He was alright and Shepard was pretty sure that the other man could provide a nice distraction for a moment. Nodding to himself, he approached the working sentinel.

"So, I fucked up," Shepard said as he sat down in a chair behind the Lieutenant's station. His hands moved to smooth back his extremely short hair; it was an unnecessary action.

"Commander?" Kaidan turned around, confused.

"I mean, I fucked up really bad," Shepard chuckled and looked down at the floor.

Kaidan put his work on pause and sat down next to Shepard. This had to have been serious for the normally cheerful Commander to look so upset. He sighed, knowing he'd probably not want to get involved in what was going on but realizing that he must.

"Who does this involve?" he asked, making sure that he took a proactive step in protecting himself from what was about to be dumped on his lap.

"Ah… it's Ash," Shepard mumbled, "I was trying to joke around with her and she didn't really get the joke."

"What did you say to her?" the Lieutenant replied, this time genuinely interested in the problem. An unhappy Ashley Williams meant an unhappy crew. Though he appreciated the hard work that Williams put in to everything she did, she was rather vocal at times.

"I may have joked with her about wanting to sleep with me," he grinned uncomfortably and chuckled.

"You've got to be shitting me," Kaidan's jaw dropped. Shepard was a really nice guy but talking to Williams like that was beyond dumb. What the hell was he thinking?

"I know what you're thinking, Alenko: 'What the hell was Shepard thinking?' Right now, I'm asking myself the same question," Shepard shook his head.

"I think what you need to start thinking is, 'what am I going to do about it?'" the Lieutenant replied, his hands propped up against each other in a sagely manner.

"Hm," Shepard's eyes unfocused as he lost himself in thought, "so do you think I should let her drive the Mako?" Perhaps he'd take Williams down on the next mission. She liked shooting things and it'd probably help her unwind.

Either that or she'd shoot him herself…

At any rate, women liked flowers and gifts. What better gift could he give to a marine than a day of frolicking on an uncharted planet in a rover with a large gun?

"Can't you just pull out an, 'I'm sorry' with her?" Kaidan interrupted the Commander's thoughts.

"Like right now?" Shepard looked at the man next to him in disbelief.

"No," the Lieutenant sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "you're supposed to wait a few hours for them to calm down first." He paused for a moment. Kaidan hated getting involved in people's messes, but he always seemed to be the one to fix things. His eyes traveled over to the hapless Shepard and considered him for a moment. Here was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy. He was a trained N7 Commando, the Hero of Elysium, and the first human Spectre. It was very likely that he would be one of the most famous humans of all time.

But Commander Shepard clearly was socially inept.

Kaidan supposed it was the way nature balanced things out. The Commander was a good guy though, and he had good intentions. Keeping that in mind, the Lieutenant decided that he would do his best to help remedy the situation. He didn't claim to be an expert on women, but he sure knew when to keep his mouth shut and what words to say at what time. The only time he choked around a woman was when he was in love, and the Lieutenant had only been in love once. Everything would be fine so long as he kept his guard up.

"I'll go talk to her and see if I can get her to calm down, but the apology is up to you," Kaidan said and clapped Shepard on the back.

"That might be awkward," Shepard replied, unwilling to look the other man in the eye.

"Why's that?" the Lieutenant's forehead creased in confusion.

"Just, um… because she's mad and all," he mumbled. There was no way that Shepard was going to tell Kaidan that Ash had a crush on him. He didn't want to get castrated in his sleep, that was for damn sure.

"I'm sure I'll be fine, sir," he said. Kaidan had the sneaking suspicion that there was something Shepard wasn't telling him, but he was sure he'd find out soon enough.

The Commander stared at Alenko and waited for him to get going to talk to Ash. For some reason, the Lieutenant was giving him an expectant look. Didn't he know he could go?

"Uh, dismissed?" Shepard ventured a guess at why the Lieutenant hadn't left yet. His suspicions were confirmed when Alenko nodded and left. The Commander shook his head; they were going to have to work on that one. Shepard didn't like being formal with his officers, especially those who would be on his ground teams. After all, the best way to have a reliable team was to make sure there was a kinship between them.

His blue eyes shut as he lowered his head into his hands. He needed a team that got along well and he had personally screwed up the team dynamic. The weary Commander stood up and trudged to his quarters. His steps led him to his console where he sat down with a plunk, the new seat squeaking in protest at the sudden introduction of Shepard's considerable weight. He sat there, bathed in blue light and thought. If Alenko could somehow smooth this over, he'd be more than alright in Shepard's books. All he had to do was wait.

Shepard hated waiting.

* * *

Kaidan sighed as the elevator opened to reveal the engineering level. He was halfway across the ship and he could already tell that Ash was pissed. Slowly the Lieutenant approached the seething Gunnery Chief, each step rewarding him with the sounds of equipment being abused and muttered curses. When he was within two feet of her, Kaidan stopped and leaned against the nearby lockers. She still hadn't noticed him.

"So, what should I tell requisitions when they ask about what happened to destroy our industrial grade equipment?" he asked, his expression that of genuine concern.

Ashley swiveled around to meet the gaze of the sentinel that sneaked up on her. She closed her eyes and lowered her tools, reminding herself that the man in front of her was not the one she was angry at. Attempting to muster up a cheerful demeanor, Ash wondered why the LT was there in the first place. The answer hit her and the cheerful demeanor that she had carefully tried to regain shattered in an instant.

"He told you, didn't he?" she asked, her voice full of fear and hatred. Oh God, she was in big trouble now. Kaidan would think that she wanted to sleep with him.

"I don't know any details. I just know that Shepard feels really bad about what he said," the Lieutenant replied, his hands held up in defense. Absently, he wondered what Shepard knew that he didn't share.

"Oh, does he now?" Ash spat.

"Yes, he really does. I wouldn't bother to help patch things up if he didn't," Kaidan nodded. It was the truth. Assholes didn't deserve to prosper, but Shepard wasn't an asshole. With that in mind, Kaidan would go out of his way to help keep peace in the small ship.

Ash sighed in relief, thankful that her secret was safe. She guessed Shepard wasn't a complete ass; he didn't tell Kaidan that she was interested in him. Still, he owed her an apology. Until then, she refused to drop the matter.

"So, would you like some help with this?" the Lieutenant gestured to the vast array of dirty weapons occupying the workbench.

"Um…" she hesitated, "with all due respect, sir…" the Gunnery Chief trailed off, unsure of how to tell her superior officer that she didn't trust him with cleaning the guns. He was a sentinel; he couldn't possibly know much about what she was doing as she did.

"Oh, come on," he smiled, "there's no such thing as a marine that can't clean a gun."

Ash smiled back and handed a pistol to the Lieutenant. He was right. There was no such thing as a marine that couldn't clean a gun. Together, they made quick work of the dirty weapons. All the while, the Gunnery Chief stole glances at her handsome and kind superior officer. When he left, she sighed.

Superior officer was the operating phrase; following it came the phrase 'not going to happen'. Ashley Williams found herself accepting of this. There certainly weren't regs against looking.

* * *

A chime sounded and Shepard jolted from his work. Someone was at the door. Shepard reached over to disengage the lock, hoping that his visitor was Alenko.

Thankfully it was.

Shepard gave him a casual nod and motioned for him to come in. After the doors closed, the Commander exhaled, ready to hear the damage.

"Sitrep," he told the Lieutenant. Shepard was ready for the worst; one never knew when a woman would go to war.

"She's fine, sir," Kaidan replied, "I mean, she wants an apology but other than that, she's smiling again. So, I'd assume it would be fine if you talked with her now." The Lieutenant crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Commander," he said, "I think she's got a thing for me."

Shepard broke out into a sly grin and looked around the room.

"Perhaps," he replied, unwilling to look the Lieutenant in the eye.

Kaidan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. This wouldn't be the first time a subordinate had gotten a crush on him. It sure made things awkward. He just hoped Ash got the hint; he didn't want to hurt her or cause any more drama in the already tense atmosphere of the small ship.

"Well, I guess I'll just ignore it and hope it goes away," the Lieutenant nodded, his mind made up.

"If you want to go for it with her, I won't mind. I just want you to know that," Shepard interjected into Kaidan's thoughts. He smiled at the other man and waited for his response.

"No, relationships with subordinates are a very bad idea," the Lieutenant shook his head, "besides, I'm not interested. She's too…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Much?" Shepard supplied, a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, much is one way to describe it. I just know it wouldn't work," Kaidan laughed. There was a seven year difference between them. Sure, it worked for some couples, but the much younger Chief sometimes left him exasperated. As a marine, she was fabulous, but he couldn't picture her in a light different from the soldier he knew.

"Her sister thinks we're super cute," Shepard supplied and waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh?" the Lieutenant perked up in mild interest.

"Mhm," the Commander nodded, his grin growing, "she's sixteen."

Kaidan blinked. It had been a long time since he'd had a Commanding officer that joked around with him. All too often, they over emphasized discipline and deemphasized a personal relationship of any sort. The Lieutenant was of the belief that being friendly to one's subordinates was crucial to team building. No, he didn't go out of his way to be buddies with any of them, but he always kept an open door policy with those under his command. It was good to see that Shepard seemed to hold similar values. Kaidan chuckled. Oh, he'd play along with Shepard's game.

"Hey, it's only illegal if you get caught," the Lieutenant said, his expression completely deadpan.

"Dude…" Shepard found himself at a loss for words. Was that a joke? Was it not a joke? He couldn't really tell; Alenko's expression was so serious. Shepard stared at the man in front of him, unsure of whether to be horrified or to laugh. The Commander settled for a horrified, awkward laugh, his voice cracking in indecision.

"You know I'm screwing with you, right?" Kaidan chuckled.

"I was seriously hoping that you were," Shepard replied, glad that the joke was on him. The Commander laughed and walked over to the Lieutenant to clap him on the back. Alenko sure had a sick sense of humor; Shepard liked that.

They looked at each other then burst out laughing. After what the Lieutenant had done for Shepard, he could easily consider the other man a friend. Yes, Kaidan Alenko was going to be Shepard's friend whether he liked it or not.


	3. Crabs & Medigel

A/n: This chapter was going to be much longer, but I figured I'd cut it off where I did so that I could at least update something since it's been over a week since I last posted. Obsidian Thirteen and Zing-baby have both been poking me in the butt to update my fics, so I must comply :D

* * *

"Hookers and blow!" Shepard shouted as he stood on a mineral pile, his arms raised in victory.

Ash rolled her eyes at the Commander and snorted. It had taken a while for her to get used to his sense of humor. At first, she took exception at his lewd remarks but eventually was able to concede that Shepard was simply uncouth. To him, she was one of the guys. Ashley Williams could easily be a guy if the situation called for it.

"I'll just take the money, thanks," she replied, leaning against the Mako.

Shepard slid down the pile. A cloud of dust followed in his wake.

"Fine," he held his hands up in mock exasperation, "no hookers or blow for you. I guess I'll share with Alenko."

"Negative on that, sir," the Lieutenant replied, "I don't see how crabs in my armor and increased migraines would be beneficial."

Shepard paused and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm imagining space crabs," he said, "I'm horrified."

"It's not pleasant," Kaidan winced.

Ash looked at the Lieutenant, her eyes widening in horror. He had crabs? He didn't seem like the random hook-up type. What else did he have? Her stomach lurched; this was so unsexy. Why, oh why did it have to be him?

"Dude, you've got to comb the field before you plow it," Shepard clapped the Lieutenant on the back.

Kaidan glanced over at Ash. She looked really upset. He sighed, realizing that he needed to tell the crabs story. After getting them, it was on his medical record, so he had to at least let every doctor on board each ship he served know what happened. He was used to having to share this bit of information, but sometimes it got annoying to have to repeat the situation constantly.

"A few years back, I had to share a bunk with a guy that had crabs," he explained, "so I ended up with them."

The Lieutenant saw Williams visibly relax and briefly wondered if he should have just let her think he had a multitude of STDs. He shook his head. No, his honor was worth more than his discomfort at this crush the Chief seemed to have on him.

"How did you get rid of those? I'd imagine they'd come back since you were sharing a bunk," Shepard mused, pondering an infinite circle of continually catching crabs.

"Luck was on my side, because I got promoted soon after that," the Lieutenant said as he looked up at the hazy, brown sky.

"I'm guessing you had to trim the tree a little close, then," Shepard laughed and opened the Mako's door.

"More like 'make threadbare'," he murmured as he followed the Commander into the rover.

Shepard laughed outright and watched a red-faced Chief clumsily climb into the Mako. Undoubtedly, she was thinking about the Lieutenant's pubes and what they were attached to. The awkwardness of the situation brought a smile to his face. The day was shaping out to be lovely.

"Ok, well now that our business is done in this system, let's head to the Artemis Tau cluster and look for Dr. T'soni," Shepard stated.

"Good plan," the Lieutenant replied with a nod.

"I don't want to question your decisions, but," Ash interjected, "don't you think we should go to the areas where there are known reports of geth? It's just one asari…" The Chief trailed off, unsure of the Commander's reaction.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe we can seduce her to join our side," Shepard got a far-off look in his eyes, "asari are so hot."

"Mhm," Kaidan nodded.

"But they're blue…"Ash started.

"Some are purple," Shepard murmured as if he took exception.

"They don't have any hair!" the Chief found herself getting increasingly frustrated.

"Mmm… smooth," Kaidan mumbled.

"Right on, man!" Shepard reached over Ash to fist-bump the Lieutenant.

"You can't be serious!" the Gunnery Chief seethed, "you're going after the asari because you want a piece of ass!" And here she had thought that Shepard had at least a shred of decency. On top of it, he was taking Kaidan down with him.

"Easy, Williams," Shepard put his arm around her shoulder, "we're doing this so that we can find out if we have another enemy to contend with. Every bit of information we can get is invaluable; she may know about the Conduit from her research."

"I agree," the Lieutenant nodded, "there's no need to be so full of sound and fury."

Ash sighed. Kaidan had inadvertently hit her sweet spot: literature.

"Ok," she relented, "it's just very hard to tell when you're joking sometimes, Commander. Then you get LT involved, and everything goes downhill from there."

"What? Are you saying that I'm a bad influence?" Shepard asked, batting his golden eyelashes in a ridiculous manner.

The trio laughed as they drove off to the pickup point.

* * *

It took a while to find the correct planet; the Artemis Tau cluster was uncharted. Their joy at being correct, however, was severely dampened by Therum's brutal climate.

"At least it's a dry heat," Kaidan supplied as a bead of sweat dripped off his brow.

"This sucks. Quit fooling yourself, LT," Ash snorted. What few stray hairs sneaked out of her regulation bun lay plastered to her forehead. "I think my eyeballs are drying out."

"Yeah, well," Shepard shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "I'm working up a massive ball sweat."

Kaidan nodded solemnly in agreement and checked the map. They were close to the underground signature. He looked up when he felt Ash stop the Mako.

The Chief stared at the small space in front of them, a determined fire in her eyes. She threw the Mako in reverse and backed up to the edge of the lava. Her eyes narrowed at the gap in between the rocks.

"Uh, Chief," Kaidan stared in front of them, "sometimes things just don't fit."

"That's what she said!" Shepard exclaimed, a look of triumph written across his features. The Lieutenant chuckled along with Shepard at his expert use of the phrase.

Ash ignored her superior officers and stomped the accelerator. Right before hitting the rocky passageway, the Chief turned sharply and activated the thrusters. The Mako scraped through the gap on its side then flipped back to its normal position.

"Almost anything can fit, Kaidan," Ash sent the Lieutenant a smoldering look, "it's a matter of movement."

The Sentinel's jaw dropped at her boldness. He should have been used to women hitting on him like this, but Ash was his subordinate. The situation could be summed up in one word: awkward.

"You could use a little bit of omni-gel to loosen things up, Chief," Shepard supplied, "there's no need to just ram things in there."He turned to wink at the Lieutenant and nudge him on the arm.

"Medigel's better because it tingles," Kaidan said. Immediately his eyes went wide when he realized that he just officially fulfilled his foot-in-mouth quota for the day.

"Oh, nice," Shepard murmured, "I'm going to have to try that."

The Commander and Lieutenant glanced over at Ash, whose face turned a shade to match the red Therum. Shepard shook his head slowly.

"You know, Chief," he leaned over and put his arm around her, "for someone who just flirted with your commanding officer, you're sure blushing a lot. Care to share what you're thinking about?"

Ash shook her head vehemently and refused to say a word. Kaidan's words supplied the Chief's mind with way more than she should have been imagining.

"Come on," Shepard leaned in and rested his head on her shoulder, "you can whisper it in my ear."

"With all due respect, Commander," the Lieutenant interrupted, "I think you should just leave her be."

Shepard sighed and leaned back in his seat. Kaidan was right.

"Fine, I'll stop," the Commander pouted. "For now," he added and flashed a grin that would have made the Cheshire Cat nervous.

* * *

Though it was cramped in the Mako, the ground team soon found themselves very grateful for its presence. Geth surrounded them; dealing with them on foot would have been possible but difficult. The rover's canon roared as it fired directly into a cluster of synthetics, completely incinerating them in one blow. Merciless wheels mowed over a geth shock trooper and continued on unimpeded. When they were within twenty meters of the nearby mineshaft, Ash stopped the Mako.

"You know," Shepard smiled, "that was a really nice trip."

A geth armature dropped from the sky, along with a half dozen of assorted geth troopers.

"You were saying?" Kaidan huffed and crossed his arms at the small contingent of synthetics.

Shepard looked at the geth in front of the rover and cocked his head to the side. Though the armature had unfolded, it made no attempt to destroy the Mako and the organics within. The other geth simply stood at ease, their weapons unready for combat.

"Does the Mako have stealth systems like the Normandy?" Ash asked as she looked on in disbelief.

"Even if it did," Kaidan said, "I think we're close enough for a visual."

Shepard's eyes narrowed at the odd situation in front of them.

"Alenko," he motioned to the geth, "do you think this could be a glitch or something?"

"It's hard to say, Commander," the Lieutenant replied, "it may be possible, but I don't know much about synthetics. Perhaps Tali would know something."

Shepard nodded and silently reached over to the turret controls. The main canon's crosshair lowered until it was centered on the crowd of geth. A thunderous shot rang out and only the armature remained, yet it didn't move.

"This is slightly disturbing," the Commander murmured. "Oh well!" he shrugged and fired again at the armature until it was dead.

Shepard turned to grunt at the Lieutenant; Kaidan glanced down at the radar and grunted an affirmative. The Sentinel unbuckled and opened the door, Shepard following close behind.

"Is it clear?" Ash asked.

"Yeah," Shepard replied and motioned to the Lieutenant, "he just said it was."

The Chief blinked at the men in front of her. She swore that she didn't hear anyone say anything about the perimeter being clear. They just looked at each other and grunted.

Oh.

"I don't speak grunt," Ash rolled her eyes. She wondered how she'd fare in the future; the Commander and Lieutenant were now communicating in unintelligible monosyllables.

"I guess we're just in tune with each other," Kaidan shrugged.

"Yeah," Shepard glanced over at the Chief, "get in tune with us, Williams."

"I apologize," she narrowed her eyes, "I'll brush up on my manspeak."

The trio looked up at the mineshaft and fell silent. There were so many geth on patrol and they wondered how many would be inside.

"Okay," Shepard motioned toward the door, "either we will be rescuing a fair maiden from a horde of beasts or we'll be killing a witch and her minions. Whichever happens, keep your guard up. The place is bound to be crawling with hostiles."

"Aye, aye, sir," came the unanimous reply.

Hopefully, Liara T'soni would be on their side.


	4. Bury It

A/n: It's been a while. I got Dragon Age: Origins and haven't been able to put it down. I apologize for this chapter's length. I really wanted to get something out there before people started thinking that I'd forgotten them. **If you haven't heeded the M rating yet, now is the time to do so. We've got some dirty talking boys in this chapter and it's going to get dirtier in future chapters. Also, a question: Should I post this on AFF? I'm thinking of a way to incorporate explicit content and I was wondering if anyone would be interested.**

**

* * *

  
**

"Dare ya' to spit over the side," Ashley chuckled. The elevator doors ground open, the rusty metal flaking with the movement.

"You know," Shepard smiled, "if it wasn't likely that we'd be ambushed by geth, I'd one-up you and piss over the side."

The elevator began a rapid descent to the dig site. Shepard closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply, enjoying the lukewarm breeze from the elevator while he could. The sulfuric smell of Therum was stronger down here. He glanced over at the chuckling Lieutenant.

"Yeah," Kaidan mused, "it'd be pretty bad to be caught by the geth with your junk hanging out of your armor."

"Dead on, LT," Ash replied, "those geth snipers can hit very small targets at great distances."

The elevator stopped and Shepard turned to smirk at her.

"You wanna' see, Chief?" he snorted, motioning to the lower clasp of his armor.

"No thanks," she rolled her eyes, "I'll save you the embarrassment."

The Lieutenant tried not to laugh outright, his face turning red with the effort. Shepard turned to nudge him on the arm and opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of geth drones interrupted him. Simultaneously the Commander and Lieutenant attacked the drones, taking them out in a matter of seconds. Shepard turned to Kaidan and beamed.

"Yeah!" he shouted, high-fiving the other man, "that's how it's done, man!" Shepard wheeled around and pointed at Williams. "Now, where were you? Were you staring at our asses?"

"No sir," Ash narrowed her eyes, "your asses were directly in my line of fire."

"Our fine asses," Shepard gave the Chief a knowing look then glanced over at Kaidan.

She simply shook her head and followed the officers into the next elevator. It began its descent to the lowest level of the ruins, shuddering on the way down. The shuddering increased until the elevator came to a shrieking halt a few feet from the bottom. Cautiously, the ground team looked around for hostiles then silently slipped out of the elevator.

"Hello!" a female voice shouted, "Can somebody help me? Anybody?"

Beyond the debris, Shepard saw an enormous room blocked by an equally large kinetic barrier. He cautiously rounded the corner.

"Please!" the voice continued, "I am trapped! I need help!"

The Commander looked up to see an asari, bound and levitating in the middle of the blocked room.

"Shhh…" he quietly called out, "there are geth everywhere and you're in danger. Are you Dr. T'soni?"

"Yes," she replied, "oh, thank the goddess. I did not think anyone would come looking for me."

"Don't worry, Miss," Shepard nodded, "we're Marines. I'm a Spectre. We'll get you out of there." He winked at her then turned to his Lieutenant, a broad grin on his face. "Come on, let's see what we can find to get her out of there."

The men walked off, leaving a frazzled Gunnery Chief behind. Shaking her head, Ash looked up at the woman behind the curtain.

All this for one asari.

"Any idea how we can get past this barrier?" she asked.

"Um," Liara looked to the side in embarrassment, "I activated it, knowing it would keep me safe. But the deactivation mechanism is inside the chamber. That's the tricky part."

The Chief nodded in recognition and looked around the immediate area for possible clues. She jumped when she heard gunfire in the direction her superiors had gone. Cursing, Ash drew her sniper rifle and honed in on the location of the enemy. Behind a distant rock, a geth sniper lurked, waiting to off one of her comrades.

"Not today, bud," Ash hissed and pulled the trigger.

The geth went down in one hit.

Ash looked through her scope once more to try to pick off another enemy. She caught sight of the LT, his figure bathed in blue light. Violently, he threw a geth trooper against the wall; its neck snapped at an odd angle on impact. The Chief shuddered at the display. It was beautiful yet unnerving. She didn't want to see what that would do to another human.

"Is there a biotic among you?" Liara's voice brought Ash out of her officer appreciation.

"Yeah," the Chief replaced her sniper rifle and leveled Liara with a glare. "Stay away from him."

"I was just wondering," Liara replied, her eyes wide, "I felt someone activate dark energy and there was a Krogan here earlier."

Ash blinked in realization. There was a Krogan somewhere in the ruins. She had to reunite with her team immediately. The Chief sprinted off, leaving a confused Liara behind.

* * *

"That's a damn big gun," Shepard murmured as he stared at the mining laser.

"Yes, sir," Kaidan nodded.

"I want to shoot it," the Commander walked over to the controls and began to push random buttons. The soldier had no clue what he was doing.

"Yeah," Kaidan nodded in agreement, "it would be pretty cool to watch it go off."

Shepard turned around, grinning broadly.

"That's what she said," the Commander laughed.

Kaidan chuckled and approached the laser's controls. Shepard removed his hands from the console, knowing that the Sentinel could figure out how to fire the oversized weapon.

"Hey guys!" Ash ran up to her distracted officers, "there's a Kro..."

A beam of light shot out of the laser, completely destroying a portion of nearby rock.

The Commander and Lieutenant exchanged awed looks.

"Do it again," Shepard murmured, his eyes transfixed on where the ground used to be.

He snickered and glanced over at Ash. Sidling up to her, the Commander leaned down and put his mouth near her ear.

"Do it again, Kaidan," he whispered, "Ooooo, do it again."

The Chief visibly stiffened, her face turning bright red. Shepard quickly darted away from the incensed woman.

"There is a Krogan nearby," Ash stamped her foot, "and you two want to fire a laser instead!"

Shepard winced and glanced around, looking around the mine for an excuse. The glimmer of white Prothean tiles shone out against the freshly blasted rock.

"We were looking for a way to get past the curtain," the Commander replied, pointing at the area that the mining laser's blast uncovered. "Now let's go rescue an asari," he smiled.

Ash shook her head in disbelief and silently followed the Commander and Lieutenant. Part of her dreaded to see what they'd do next.

* * *

"I hate to admit it, but I am only one-hundred and six," Liara looked to the side in shame.

"You sure look good for your age," Kaidan crooned as he looked Liara up and down. He looked away long enough to catch the gaze of everyone in the comm room. "I mean, you don't look that old," he quickly corrected himself.

Thankfully, Shepard chose to ignore the Lieutenant's indiscretion. Kaidan lost himself in embarrassment as the Commander addressed Liara; he looked up in time to see them go into a trance of some sort. Liara's eyes turned black, her irises silver. Her pupils fixated on something that wasn't present. It was among the creepiest things the Lieutenant had seen in his life.

After a moment, Liara fell out of her trance.

"Did you see anything?" Shepard asked.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged," Liara shook her head, "the vision is fragmented, incomplete. The information contained in the beacon was meant for a Prothean mind. To be able to go through what you did completely unscathed is truly remarkable. You must be very strong willed, Commander."

Silence pervaded the room.

After a long pause, Liara blinked. Why was everyone so quiet? They must have been waiting for her to say something.

"There could be other beacons out there," she supplied, "Saren could have the missing pieces. If we can find it…" The asari trailed off as she began to feel faint.

"When was the last time you ate or slept?" Kaidan interjected, "Dr. Chakwas should have a look at you."

"Yeah, good plan," Shepard gently grabbed Liara in order to steady her. "Kaidan, would you see her to the medbay? The rest of you are dismissed."

The Lieutenant put his arm around Liara and led her out of the comm room, unaware of Ash's heated glare. He helped the scientist navigate the stairs to the medbay, introduced her to Dr. Chakwas and only left when he was sure that she was comfortable.

Kaidan's shoulders slumped as soon as the medbay's doors closed; it had been a long day and it was only half over. Striding over to his console, the Lieutenant sighed and began to write the Alliance's report. Shepard was sure to come by when he finished reporting to the Council. Kaidan methodically sorted through the happenings on Therum, mentally compartmentalizing each and every detail. He would write down the details that were relevant to the mission; the rest was filed away in its own appropriate mental box.

"So, what's your opinion on the last mission?" Shepard's face popped out from around the other side of Kaidan's console.

The Lieutenant yelped and cursed, his biotic nerve endings boiling below the surface of his skin in defense. Shepard grinned broadly and stepped out from his hiding place.

"You said a bad word, Lieutenant," he smiled, "I think that's the first time I've heard you cuss."

Kaidan exhaled and closed his eyes. It wasn't often that someone was able to sneak up on him. Though admittedly, if anyone could, it would be the highly trained Shepard.

"So," Shepard leaned casually against the wall, "my question?"

"Dr. T'soni?" Kaidan replied, "She seems like a sweet girl. Easy on the eyes."

"Just remember, I saw her first," Shepard quipped. He crossed his arms and looked over at his subordinate.

"Only by a few seconds, sir," Kaidan met Shepard's gaze.

For a moment, the Commander and Lieutenant stood in silence, carefully choosing their next words.

"Dibs," came out of their mouths in unison.

They narrowed their eyes at each other.

"Dibs," they repeated.

Well, that was unexpected.

"Diiiiiiiiibs," the Commander and Lieutenant repeated again, drawing out the word and stopping at the same time.

"This isn't going to work," Shepard huffed.

"No Sir," Kaidan shook his head and sat down.

The Commander followed suit and sat as well, the newly manufactured seat groaning in protest. He crossed his arms and stared at the medbay in careful thought. So they both wanted Liara. Asari were known to be sexually permissive. They both rescued her from a certain death. Maybe she would have them both.

One thing was for certain: he wasn't going to let a woman get in between him and Kaidan.

"Tell you what," Shepard grinned, "I'll race you. The first one to bed her gets to have her. The winner gets to decide if they want to share."

The Lieutenant's eyebrows shot up at Shepard's declaration.

"That's not very gentlemanly," he murmured, "I mean, she is a person with feelings and I wouldn't want to just use her for sex."

"I'm not going to deceive her," Shepard said, "I don't want a relationship. If she does, I'll be honest with her. I'm not a complete ass."

"Good to know," Kaidan replied. He leaned forward and stared in the direction of the medbay. What did he want with Liara?

It was a silly question. They'd only just met, but part of the Lieutenant was extremely attracted to the sweet, innocent asari. He didn't want a relationship though. What did that leave?

His eyes widened as he realized that he wanted what Shepard wanted. No, he didn't want to use Liara for sex, but he had to admit that was what it sounded like. Since when did he ever want to have sex simply for the sake of doing it?

"Stop that," Shepard's voice interrupted his thoughts, "you're thinking too hard about something."

"No, I…" Kaidan trailed off then sighed. "Yeah, you're right."

The Commander stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused.

"Bury it," he murmured, "that's what I do and it's always worked well for me."

Kaidan's mouth drew into a frown. He only buried things after he figured them out and he could easily disagree with Shepard's advice.

Neither of them noticed the asari that approached them to talk.

"A beej would be a nice thank-you," Shepard commented, "since we saved her life and all."

"Are you going to suggest that?" Kaidan snorted.

"Nope," the Commander replied, "if Liara wants to do it, she'll do it. But a beej would really be nice."

"A beej is always nice sir," Kaidan chuckled.

They laughed and Liara slowly backed away. What was this 'beej'? If Shepard and Kaidan wanted something, they only needed to ask. Perhaps it was customary to provide a beej without being asked. The scholar was perplexed. She could use the extranet to figure it out, but it was likely that her search history would be passed down to the Commander. No, she had to ask someone for the knowledge. Thus satisfied, she entered the elevator that led to the engineering level.

Liara would ask Chief Williams to inform her about this beej.


	5. Lessons

A/n: This chapter is a sandwich topped with a bunch of awkward.

**The sexually explicit version of this chapter is available through my website (AFF profile) on my profile, but it's a very tiny part of the chapter. **

* * *

A grunt was the only indication Liara had that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams had indeed heard her. The scientist wrung her hands in nervousness, hoping that Williams would keep their conversation private.

"Well, I overheard Shepard and the Lieutenant talking…" she trailed off when Ash's head whipped around to pin her with an intent stare.

"What did Kaidan say?" the Chief pressed.

"He and Shepard were talking about me repaying them for rescuing me," Liara nodded, "in the form of something called a beej. What's a beej?"

The wrench Ash had been holding clattered onto the table.

"Why? Did Kaidan ask you for one?" the Chief asked, her fists clenched.

"No," Liara replied, "they didn't see me. They said a beej would be a nice way for me to repay them. I just wanted to know what it was."

Ash took a deep breath and frowned. She never thought she'd be working with a crew full of aliens, let alone have a sex talk with a one-hundred-or-so year old woman. Her space-side promotion was full of surprises.

"Okay," she sighed, "Do you know what fellatio is?"

"Oral stimulation of the penis?" Liara asked.

Ash exhaled in relief. She did not want to go into detailed descriptions, though it was funny to hear the asari rattle off some form of clinical, dictionary definition of an action that defied comprehension until it was experienced, whether by a giver or receiver.

Whatever.

"A beej is a slang word for that," the Chief picked up her wrench and began to work on tightening her sniper rifle's scope.

"Oh," Liara's eyes widened, "I uh… I've never done that before. But I guess I'll give it a shot."

The Scientist stared at an unknown point in the docking bay, deep in thought. Silently, Ash put her gun down and regarded the other woman with calculating eyes. There was an air of innocence around the asari; it would attract any man like a moth to a flame. And even if Ash told Liara that giving a man a blowjob was an intimate act, she was sure that Liara would ask both men if they wanted one.

And of course they'd want one, but she would try to dissuade Liara first.

"Hey," Ash brought the asari out of her musings, "you do know that what you're thinking of doing is something very private, right?"

"Yes," Liara nodded, "but I've heard that it's one thing that all human males secretly desire." She turned to look at Ash. "It is like a woman receiving flowers, is it not?"

The Chief closed her eyes, trying not to laugh. She didn't want to know what the poor girl had been reading in an attempt to research humans.

"We asari are open with physical intimacy," Liara smiled, "so I do not see a problem with my plans."

Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams found herself at a crossroads. She saw the way Kaidan looked at Liara and found herself jealous. Ash knew she could turn heads, but she wanted Kaidan's attention. And his attention was on the exotic asari next to her.

Daddy wouldn't approve of what she was about to do.

"Do you want some tips?" Ash asked, unable to look Liara in the eye.

"That would be helpful," Liara replied. She scooted closer to hear the human woman's advice.

"Use…" the Chief hesitated. Was she really going to do this? She thought of the dark-eyed, brooding Sentinel that wouldn't look her way. Ash hardened her resolve.

"Use your teeth," she finished the sentence.

Liara's eyes grew wide.

"But isn't that a sensitive area? Wouldn't that hurt?" she protested, looking around for anyone that may have overheard their conversation. There was nobody around, save the sleeping Krogan in the corner.

"That's why you wait until they're fully hard," Ash lowered her voice in shame, "then you scrape your teeth all the way down."

"Okay," Liara nodded, "Thank you. I'll definitely keep that in mind. You'll keep this discussion between just the two of us, won't you?"

"Of course," Ash winced and watched the asari leave. Guilt washed over her as she continued about her duties. She heard the Krogan to the left of her shift and chuckle.

Wrex looked over at the human female.

"Teeth?" he rumbled.

Ash froze for a moment before clumsily continuing her work. Her face turned bright red when the Krogan began to laugh deeply. He lumbered over to her workstation, his prized shotgun in hand.

"I'll clean my own," Wrex mumbled and grabbed an unused cleaning cloth. "Damn, but you should have been a Krogan. You're ruthless."

Ash picked up the pace on her cleaning. She didn't want to hear this.

"No," the Krogan ordered, sensing her discomfort, "Don't act like you're ashamed. Either do something or don't. Either you do the asari in and take the mate you want, or you let things happen. No matter what, don't act unless you're willing to commit to your actions."

She closed her eyes and nodded. Daddy had told her something like that a long time ago; it was strange to hear similar words coming from the mouth of a Krogan Warlord. Though the message given was different. Her father would have been extremely disappointed with her actions, but she wanted a little bit of excitement in her life other than shooting her gun. She looked over at Wrex and laughed.

Ashley Williams would conquer; Kaidan Alenko would want her and nothing would stand in her way.

* * *

Shepard opened the door to the ship's middle level, nodding at the marine stationed at the doorway. There were reports to file and there was paperwork to fill out; truly, the life of an inter-galactic commander wasn't as romantic as the vids led the public to believe. And yet the Commando kept a very carefree attitude when dealing with the press. In his line of experience, an enemy was far more likely to underestimate the grinning Commander than his stern counterparts. He'd maintain that grin whether looking down the scope of his sniper rifle or snapping the neck of his enemy with his bare hands. Still, the paperwork was pure drudgery. Shepard shook his head and trudged halfway down the stairs. He glanced up when he saw Liara on the landing.

"Hello, Lovely," he smiled.

Liara shyly smiled in reply and stood in front of the Commander.

"Is there something you…" Shepard trailed off as the asari promptly knelt before him. He knew the look in her eyes and he almost laughed at his crazy luck. Weren't he and Alenko just talking about this not more than a few hours ago?

She reached out and gently massaged his manhood through his pants. Shepard hissed at the contact; it had been a while since he'd had the time to rub one out, let alone find a lady to hook up with. Space was so lonely sometimes.

Shepard held his breath in anticipation of what was sure to be quite the memorable blowjob.

Liara descended, teeth and all.

* * *

Kaidan looked up from his console when he heard the scream. Not more than a minute later, the Commander emerged from the stairwell, a teary-eyed asari following him. They parted ways at the mess table. Liara darted to the back corner of the medbay and Shepard waddled to grab a bag of ice, wrapping it in a towel.

"Alenko," Shepard called out, "my office, please."

The curious Lieutenant wrapped up his work and followed the Commander. Doors closed behind the pair as Shepard hobbled to a chair, sat, and shoved the wrapped bag of ice down his pants.

"Sir?" Kaidan questioned.

The Commander shook his head and sighed. There would be no sugar coating this one and Alenko had to be aware of the danger. Shepard wouldn't wish such an awful thing on anyone, even Saren.

"Liara is a dick-eating monster," he declared, his expression solemn.

"Niiiice," the Lieutenant replied. The asari was a quiet one; those were the best kind.

"No," Shepard shook his head violently, "like literally, dick-eating. Like, she raked her teeth down my dick."

For a moment, the Lieutenant stood staring at Shepard, his mouth agape in shock and horror. What if Liara had run into him first? It could have been him and not the Commander.

"Better you than me, man," Kaidan winced.

"Yeah, thanks, you ass," Shepard rolled his eyes and sighed, "I told Joker to set course for the Citadel. We'll take some time there then head to Noveria."

"Aye, aye, sir," Kaidan saluted and shot the Commander a wry grin.

He left Shepard's quarters and returned to his console. Looking at the time, he saw that his shift was up for a while. The Lieutenant figured that Liara would need to talk to someone after what happened.

Thus decided, Kaidan entered the med bay and gave Dr. Chakwas a nod before opening the door to Liara's secluded lab. He'd been prepared for the sight that greeted him; a teary-eyed asari sat in a chair, her legs drawn up to her chest. Her arms hugged her legs and her chin rested on the tops of her knees.

"Hey," Kaidan called out.

Liara jerked to attention and frantically tried to remove all evidence of her tears. Reaching out, Kaidan gently grabbed her arm and knelt down to face her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, though he knew the answer. He wasn't about to further upset her by letting her know that he was very much aware of what happened.

"I..." she sniffled as she tried to collect herself, "I have hurt Shepard. I didn't know..."

Liara trailed off as her tears renewed.

"Whatever happened, I'm sure it'll be fine," Kaidan murmured, "Shepard's tough and he wouldn't hold a grudge."

He put his arm around Liara and held her as her sniffles and tears slowed. After a while, he gave her a reassuring squeeze then let go. Liara sat back and shook her head.

"There's so many things I don't understand about humans yet," she sighed, "It's a whole new culture to learn about. Humans do so many strange things, like kissing."

"Kissing?" Kaidan asked.

He was aware that after first contact, there were going to be many cultural discrepancies between the many alien races. In fact, after some of the initial anger and mistrust wore off, Kaidan found that it had become in vogue for aliens to adopt various aspects of human culture. But kissing was one thing he'd assumed that the asari had been doing for just as long as humans.

"I do not understand it," Liara replied, "though my kind are intrigued by new cultures and have adopted the practice, I must admit that I haven't tried kissing."

She looked away for a moment, a blush spreading across her cheeks. Liara wanted to ask him to teach her, but her recent disastrous foray into human sexuality made her hesitant to say anything. But if she learned how to kiss, perhaps she could have a way to impress Shepard and hopefully smooth over her horrible blunder.

"Could you teach me?" Liara asked, finally overcoming her shyness.

It took all of Kaidan's effort to not cringe when she asked him to kiss her. He didn't want her mouth anywhere near his when her mouth probably still tasted like a dick. But the Lieutenant was running out of time to stall in answering her question and he knew it.

"He told you, didn't he? Why else would you hesitate to kiss me?" Liara's voice cut through his panicked thoughts. "Of course he told him. He tells him everything, foolish Liara."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile at the last half of what she said. It was cute how she talked to herself. Shaking his head, he put a placating hand on her arm.

"I promise I won't tell anyone," Kaidan chuckled, "Just use some mouthwash or something. It should be fine then."

Liara nodded and set about rinsing her mouth. The Lieutenant's eyes wandered about the room, taking note of the large stack of Prothean data discs on the desk. There wasn't much in the room that personalized the space; even the cot in the corner had a generic-looking bag next to it. It seemed that Liara was very utilitarian. Yet there was a very feminine side to the asari; she wore makeup and meticulously penciled in a set of eyebrows every day.

His eyes wandered her form as she bent over the sink. She had a nice figure; a narrow torso with average breasts led to a wider set of hips and a soft looking bum. Overall, Liara was very different from the highly toned marines that he'd grown accustomed to seeing.

She turned from the sink and sat down in her chair again. That wouldn't do. Motioning Liara to stand, Kaidan picked her up and sat her down on the edge of the desk. The look of shock on her face reminded him that the idea of kissing was completely foreign to her.

"Um, so just do what I do," he murmured.

Liara gave him a shy nod as Kaidan brought his hand to the side of her face. Leaning in, he let his lips gently brush hers; she hesitantly returned the gesture. His arm wrapped around her back as light his light kisses turned sensual. She snaked her arms around his neck, her nails lightly scraping against his scalp.

Liara gasped in surprise when his tongue ghosted across her lips; in an instant, he was invading her mouth. She hadn't been aware that kissing was so intimate and she had to admit that though it was shocking at first, she was steadily beginning to like it. Kaidan drew her closer to him, his hands guiding her legs to wrap around his hips. The unaware asari shifted to get a better position, her pelvis grinding against his growing hardness. Groaning, Kaidan thrust against Liara; his sexual signal was completely lost on her. His mouth drifted downward to ravish her neck, rolling his hips against hers. Her smell and taste were absolutely intoxicating.

"Umm..." Liara's breath ghosted across his ear, "What is this?"

Reality slammed back into focus as Kaidan jumped back from the asari in front of him. By the surprised look on her face, he knew that he'd gone a little too far. He felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

"I... sorry," he stammered, "I got carried away. I didn't mean to..."

Liara simply shrugged in indifference. She had learned how to kiss, and that was good enough for her. Lieutenant Alenko was a very kind man.

Kaidan sighed and put his head in his hands.

So, Shepard had reached half of third base with Liara, and he had just passed first base with her. He wasn't sure what the hell that meant, but he was sure that Shepard would be no competition.

Liara would be his.


	6. Ruined

A/n: I haven't updated this since February. My apologies for the delay in getting this chapter up. I was dissatisfied with ME2 as a whole and I think it's gotten me into a creative slump when I think, "oh yeah... ME2 happened..." But I do have this whole fic planned out, beginning to end.

Anyway, here's the next chapter.

* * *

If anyone had asked a young John Shepard what he wanted to be when he grew up, his answer would have always been the same:

A hero.

He'd always wanted to do the best he could to make the world a better place. It wasn't so much about getting rid of the badguys as much as it was helping other people. He was doing what he'd always wanted to do.

Part of being a hero was talking to people, but admittedly, Shepard wasn't the most charismatic guy in the world. His lack of charm made his current predicament particularly terrifying.

"So, you've been appointed as the first human Spectre. What are your thoughts on that?" the reporter asked.

The question was straightforward enough. He could feel the supportive gazes of his ground team behind him as well as the attention of a growing, curious crowd.

"Well, I view it as a great opportunity to improve humanity's relations with the Council. It's quite an honor seeing that we made contact with the Council not too long ago," Shepard replied.

Al Jilani looked at her datapad for her next question.

"It's been said that you've been given control of an advanced human warship," she frowned, "Do you think it was appropriate to have it handed over to the Council?"

"Handed over?" he asked. "I wasn't aware that we'd been handed over to anyone. I still wear the Alliance uniform."

"But there is a difference between the Council's interests and human interests," she quipped, "They say that you're currently tracking a Spectre named Saren-"

"No, wait," Shepard interjected, "I want to talk about what you said about human interests. You see, there isn't a difference between the Council's interests and human interests. We're part of their community; we have an ambassador on the Citadel that mediates our needs to the Council. Races that have members of the Council are those that have shown that they can provide for others. The Council is feeling the situation out; if we show that we can care for others, then we will be given more power. With an increase in power comes an increase in responsibility. It's not just about humanity; it's about everybody."

"You really do believe that," the reporter sighed, "So what does this mean for your responsibilities? If you had to choose between Council interests and human interests, what would you choose?"

"There isn't a difference between humanity's interests and the Council's interests," he replied, "a situation like that will not happen."

"How do you know that?" Al-Jilani hissed, "How can you be so sure that we won't be abandoned in our time of need? Look at Eden Prime!"

"The attack on Eden Prime was an isolated issue," Shepard said, his face growing stern, "I will personally make sure that as long as I am alive, nothing like that attack will happen again. Even as we speak, various groups from the galactic community are providing aid to the people of Eden Prime."

"And they're not associated with the Council," she quipped, "the Council has yet to even issue a statement about Eden Prime, let alone provide aid for humans in need."

"I am that statement. I am that provision," he frowned, "If you want to continue to question my integrity, then look at what I did on Elysium before you try. This interview is over, Miss Al-Jilani."

Shepard and his crew departed amid a crowd of murmuring onlookers while Al-Jilani shouted about him being a shill for the Council. They rounded a corner and descended a flight of stairs to the C-Sec requisitions office. It was a place the reporter could not follow. Rows of consoles with holograms that could look up any available weapon or mod lined the room; their presence provided the Commando with a calming effect.

"Good day, Commander," the requisitions officer greeted, "what brings you here today?" He smiled in his turian way as he logged in to grant the newly arrived group the full line of stocks.

"A whole mess of things," he beamed.

Shepard set about the task of looking through the catalogs while his team browsed around. He ran a mental list of what everyone would need; thankfully, Spectre funding would go a long way in getting his team some of the best gear available. Ash still had her armor from Eden Prime, and though it was a standard-issue beginning set for her class, he knew that he could do better. Glancing to the side, he took in the sight of the newest addition to his team. Her armor was battered, like it had been purchased second-hand out of necessity.

No, his asari would have a good set of new armor. It would be comfortable and functional for her. His eyes wandered over to her again as she chatted with Alenko. For a second, he caught the Lieutenant's eye before averting his gaze to Liara's lovely bottom. Shepard frowned upon the realization that her armor flattened her out until she looked like she had the ass of a child.

Liara wasn't going to keep wearing that shit.

The Commander scrolled through lists of armor, trying to find the best kind for her. A frown spread across his face as different sets that weren't quite right passed by his discriminating eye. Shaking his head, he ran a search to eliminate excess armor from the list.

"Officer Vakarian," the requisitions officer's voice interrupted Shepard's concentration, "Do you need something today?"

"No," the turian replied, "I was hoping to have a word with Commander Shepard."

Shepard sighed and motioned Alenko to take over the armor shopping while he spoke with the C-Sec officer.

"I was wondering if you'd reconsider my offer," Garrus said.

The Commander's hand ran over his buzzed hair as he considered the man in front of him. Garrus Vakarian was known as a hothead of an officer that disagreed with his superiors often.

"Why do you want to join me?" Shepard asked.

"I want to make a difference," he replied, "I want to help you take that disgrace of a bare-faced turian down, nothing more. I don't expect pay either. Just give me a place to sleep and some food and I'll be happy with that."

The Commander nodded for a moment as he weighed the pros and cons of the situation.

"What are your skills?" he asked.

"I prefer long range stealth tactics," Garrus replied, "sniper rifles and technology are my main tools. I also have skills in vehicle repair." The turian crossed his arms over his chest, worried that the Commander would say no again. He'd be damned if he spent another day in C-Sec dealing more with bureaucracy than with real problems.

"Here's the most important question," Shepard nodded, "Can you follow orders and not act on impulse?"

The turian's eyes widened in realization; this was about the incident in the med clinic. Shepard's main concern then had been the hostage, but his had been the man holding the hostage. To Garrus, there had been no difference. He was fortunate to have an eye as sharp and quick as his impulse and he was very confident in his marksman skills.

"I'll have no problem with your orders, Spectre," Garrus replied, "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"Then you're welcome to join us," Shepard smiled.

They shook hands, Garrus' large, taloned hand encompassing Shepard's. The officer's mandibles flexed upward, a gesture which Shepard had come to interpret as a turian version of a smile.

"I'll admit that until I heard what you said to that reporter, I'd assumed I wasn't allowed on was because I'm a turian," Garrus said, "You've got a refreshing view on the Council races."

He looked to the side and observed his new comrades. A human male stood at an armor console, flanked by two women. A shy-faced asari on his left clung to his arm and leaned into him while a livid human female pressed closely on his right.

"And I can see that your crew seems fond of aliens as well," he remarked as the male gave the asari an affectionate squeeze.

"Well, I think we're a fun bunch," Shepard chuckled, watching Ash shoot a death glare at Liara.

He walked over to the console to finish making the armor selection. The last thing that he needed was a catfight.

* * *

A navy blue pencil ran across a bare brow, leaving a trail of pigment in its wake. It stopped and floated toward the other brow to repeat the process.

Liara took a critical look into the mirror, making sure her penciled brows were even. She'd never been one to pay much attention to fashion, but there was something strangely satisfying about giving herself a little extra makeup here and there. It made her feel less of a child next to the doe-eyed, fawn skinned Chief Williams.

She wasn't a thing like Williams. Liara glanced down at her body, taking note of the differences between herself and the human woman. Her hands grabbed hunks of her rear and lifted it, just to see what it would look like if she were perkier. The asari shook her head at her reflection in the mirror and let go, the flesh returning to its regular place. She reminded herself again that there was nothing wrong with the body that the Goddess had bestowed upon her. She was normal and healthy.

Liara glanced into the mirror again and took note of her facial features, including her girlish freckles that hadn't disappeared as she aged. If they weren't gone by now, then she'd have to resolve herself that she'd be doomed with freckles forever. Liara prodded at the freckles, wondering how she could best cover them.

Her eyes drifted toward her right as she took in the sight of two sets of flowers. According to a note, the blue set of native asari flowers was from Shepard. He'd purchased them for her because their color reminded him of her skin. Had he known that they were a flower traditionally used in the burial of young children, he wouldn't have purchased them. Still, the thought was lovely.

The second set was of orange roses, a flower from earth; these were from Kaidan. She'd researched what the meaning behind orange roses meant and found herself confused. They symbolized emerging passion and desirous intentions. And yellow and red made orange; yellow roses meant that there was a cherished friendship and red ones meant passionate love. Did that mean he felt somewhere in between friendship and love? Or did he desire her like a human woman? But maybe she was thinking too hard about it. Maybe he got orange because he thought she'd like it. If he did, he was right; she was rather partial to orange, though yellow narrowly surpassed it as her favorite color.

Liara's eyes closed for a second as she remembered his scent and the taste of his lips. Kaidan was so kind and patient with her; he'd even helped her pick out a new set of armor. Williams had helped as well; they were both rather nice to her.

The medbay doors opened, snapping the asari out of her thoughts.

"Hey," Shepard smiled.

He glanced over to the table and saw a set of flowers next to the ones he'd given Liara. They had to have been from Alenko.

"Hello, Shepard," the asari beamed.

"I see you got my flowers," he motioned, "it's tradition on Earth for men to give flowers to special women in their lives."

So this meant that she was special to him?

Liara didn't have time to be elated before Shepard's lips gently captured hers in a modest kiss. His wound his arm around her waist, pulling her close. Slowly, they backed against the desk as their kiss deepened.

Liara scooted herself to the edge of the desk to sit, wrapping her legs around his hips. Shepard's hands trailed down her back; the Commander devoured her every kiss and returned them with intense fervor.

He suddenly drew back as the announcement that the ship would be leaving drifted through the comms. The baby-faced woman in front of him blinked; her adorable, confused gaze made Shepard want to kiss her all over again. And that was one hell of a kiss.

"Well, where did a sweet girl like you learn to kiss a man senseless?" Shepard smiled, wishing that Liara had some hair that he could tuck behind an ear. Her kiss had been one of the most intense, incredible kisses he'd ever experienced. And as he peered down into her innocent eyes, Shepard felt like he could kiss her for hours.

"Lt. Alenko was so kind to show me," she replied.

The Commander closed his eyes as a little voice inside his head told him that he'd effectively just found out that his friend was an awesome kisser. And now, every time he kissed Liara, he'd see Alenko's face in his mind's eye.

This ruined everything and he wasn't about to let the Lieutenant get away with it.


End file.
